Understanding glass child syndrome
Glass child syndrome isn’t a medical condition or diagnosis. It’s an informal term often used to describe the challenges and unique strengths of the siblings of children with chronic illnesses or disabilities.
In a TEDx talk, speaker Alicia Arena drew attention to this phenomenon that resonated with so many viewers who grew up with siblings who had special needs: glass children. She stated, “We are called glass children, because our parents are so consumed with the needs of our brothers and sisters that when they look at us, they look right through us as though we’re made of glass.”
When a child is faced with a chronic condition or a disability, a parent or caregiver has an immediate reaction, to support and do anything possible to help that child. From doctor’s appointments and therapy to surgical needs and research, seeking out the best medical intervention becomes a key focus. While parents are understandably consumed with the medical needs of their at-risk child, their healthy sibling(s) also need love and support.
We spoke with Valerie Akerson, a licensed clinical social worker, and therapist with the St. Louis Fetal Care Institute at SSM Health Cardinal Glennon Children’s Hospital. Akerson works extensively with children and families facing serious chronic conditions.
As an experienced therapist and mother, she recommends the first steps and conversations with a glass child start from a place of honesty and age-appropriate transparency. As a parent, think of all the feelings you’re processing, your healthy children are feeling that too. However, they’re trying to understand everything through the mind of a child, without the maturity to understand what’s happening. And that’s when you can help them.
Breaking down some of the feelings healthy siblings experience as the glass child:
- Fear – Did I cause this? Can/will this also happen to me?
- Resentment – time taken away from them and extra attention placed on their sibling.
- Pressured/perfectionism/high standards – too many demands placed on them, feeling they can’t make a mistake; they must do things perfect to “not rock the boat”.
- Silenced/feeling forgotten – let them have a voice, they want to be seen and heard.
- Fiercely independent – they don’t ask for help when they need it and feel more responsibility at a younger age.
How best do you support your glass child?
- Akerson advises parents again to be as honest as possible. At the outset of a serious medical condition/disability even parents don’t really know what life is going to look like and that’s okay. However, being clear that this is going to be hard, things will be different, but as parents you’ll try your best to keep things as consistent as possible in their lives.
- As a parent or caregiver, you’re already dealing with a lot, but it’s important to be intentional about checking in on siblings and acknowledging their feelings. Validating how your other child or children are feeling allows them to feel heard emotionally, physically, and mentally.
- Once again, Akerson stresses the importance of transparency to the level your child can understand. Let them know you are always there to discuss any feelings they’re having. Allow them to ask question, pause, and listen. “I’m fine,” is often used by children to ease a parent’s concerns, it’s okay to dig deeper.
As a parent, how do you best support the challenges of a child with a chronic illness or disability while simultaneously caring for their sibling(s)?
- Educate yourself on glass child syndrome.
- Acknowledge this is difficult.
- Be intentional about actions.
- Be an advocate for all your children.
- Ask and accept help from others when it is too much to balance.
- Carve out 1:1 time with each sibling.
- Encourage positive sibling relationships.
Facts about glass child syndrome:
- In 2022 the Journal of Pediatrics published a systematic review and found that siblings of children with chronic illnesses or disabilities were more like to have symptoms of depression.
- 8% of young people in developed countries grow up with a family member who is chronically ill.
- About 17% of children in the US have one or more developmental disabilities.
Chronic illnesses and disabilities present many challenges. It can also help families grow closer through strong communication and compassion. At SSM Health Cardinal Glennon we offer a holistic health care approach. This allows the entire family to navigate chronic conditions with the help of physicians, nurses, staff, mental health support, and therapy services.